Ever went about your day as normal? Things are going great, then something happens that leads to nostalgia. And its not a good feeling either. Happened to me a few days ago. A song played that was popular when I was 15, the first time I had my heart shattered into a million pieces. Its not like I care about the person anymore, its just that what I felt came rushing back. I feel it sometimes when I read a book and the MC has their heart yanked out of their chest and used for batting practice. Saliva thick in my throat , prickly pain radiating through my chest, sudden loss of appetite and the rapid onset of depression. Yet, just as quickly as the feeling came, it evaporated. I guess that's what nostalgia is. Anyway, I marveled at just how resilient the human heart is. It has the power to forgive the most insensitive acts against it and to rebuild itself and though it gets better, its never really the same. This sonnet is about the prior feeling, the darkness of heartache.




Sonnet #2



Walking through snow, ice falls - diamond raindrops

No soft pitter-patter, so sweet silence

harsh sound doth echo through the frigid air

No source to blame for this most piercing noise

This forest empty no life nor light be near

Alone here in the frightful darkened night

Spirit far from men who think hearts be toys...



This bare landscape reflects my erratic state

created by my mind's most grand demise

A heart once soft now composed of black ice

Hang only by threads tinged with love despite

You've controlled those thin and so fragile strings

Seeing you with her freed them from their fate

So this frozen heart shatters as it breaks...

So I have decided to start a little Series on my blog, just to wet your taste buds. It is a compilation of related Flash fiction, keep in mind I have no idea where this is going. The name of the Series is By the Nautilus and each chapter will begin "By the" so here is the first installment, enjoy and let me know what you think.

Today, I was thinking about all the people, who have loved and lost. In that number was I. I thought about all the people, friends, relatives I’ve lost and never got the chance to say goodbye to. Then I thought about everyone who has ever been in love with someone, never got over them and they passed. If you had to write them a letter, what would you say?











Here is what I came up with…










Dear Beloved Gone Before Me,






I wanted to say this for a while now,


Perhaps it is too late… you are before the world, gone.


I loved you, more than I have words to express.


I’m sorry I didn’t stand by your mother as she wept for you…






You see, I watched from a gravestone,


As they lowered you to the ground,


I watched from a distance as your… fiancé wept.


I had no place there I realized… I should have left.






I was your past, though I wished to be your future.


And yet, your future is no more.


It left you that fateful day.






I only approached you, after THEY left.


And though I said goodbye then,


I didn’t really.


Because I couldn’t bear to let you go.






I know you wonder, what that has to do with now,


I know you wonder why I brought this letter and a single white rose,


I know you wonder where that leaves us in terms of closure.


Or maybe you had closure the day you walked away from me…


And I am left to say my FINAL GOODBYE






Yours in love and truth,


The one you left behind










©2009 C. Dominique Gibson

There was an urban legend circulating about a young man who refused medical attention because he didn't have adequate health care and didn't want a hefty medical bill sent to him. The young man was rumored to have died.






Of course I agree that this must be one of those parable like tales about the health insurance industry. But what I cannot ignore is that one phrase that should have stood out to everyone "lack of adequate health insurance". That particular phrase should be coined a terminal illness by every medical board in existence. The lack of adequate health insurance has most likely lead to many deaths or terminal diagnoses whether directly or indirectly.






There are many people who refuse treatment because they either have no insurance or there clauses in their current insurance that would lead to high bills and debt. We all know how important the credit system is to the proper function of daily life in the US. An ambulance ride can range anywhere from $300, cheaper states to $2000 and in some instances, even more. I will not even break down the ridiculous emergency room fees. No wonder people would rather be sick than get medical attention.






I'm a broke college student who pays 1000$ for three months on a mandatory health insurance. I recently went for a yearly check up, which should have been covered by my insurance but instead I got bills totaling some $1200 for a pap smear and a breast examination. That doesn't even include lab fees. I would rather fly home to the Bahamas for $300, pay nothing for a doctors visit and pay maybe $150 in lab fees for glucose and full blood testing and perhaps $80 for a year supply of antibiotics. A pap smear is $20. And ambulance rides are gratis, free.






There are many people who no longer have coverage from group insurance because they have been laid off due to the Economy. You would think that premiums would be reduced, however, group premiums have spiked in the last three months.






And for those of us who are still employed, there are states and firms that force employees to get insurance. These premiums can take up anywhere from less than 1% of a paycheck to a whopping 75%. Imagine those who rely on tips to make up the rest of their pay, when their wages are $2.00 per hour(sky caps, valet) and their weekly pay is only about $80.00 after taxes and the group premium bi-weekly is about $100 +. What do they have left for food if they don't make tips that week? How about an individual who makes $1500 a month after taxes paying $400 a month for a premium. That leaves $1100 to pay rent, utilities, car notes and grocery. Hell, they may not even be able to pay for groceries. Yet, these insurance companies have the audacity to tell a patient "No, you have to die because we won't cover that shit." I know they don't say it like that, but they may as well. Because that's all our health problems are to them "shit". Otherwise, they would take our health more seriously.






And now, for you greedy, pathetically insensitive bastard CEO's and Partners of every major health insurance provider. HOW DARE YOU TAKE THE HEARTS,LIVERS,PANCREASES,SPLEENS,KIDNIES AND OTHER VITAL ORGANS OF OUR CHILDREN, SISTERS, BROTHERS, FRIENDS, NEIGHBOURS WHO YOU DENIED LIFE BY NOT APPROVING THEIR LIFE SAVING PROCEDURE TO SAVE YOURSELF. HERE IS WHAT I THINK, GIVE US OUR ORGANS BACK SELFISH BASTARDS. HOW DARE YOU STAY FAT AND RICH LIVING OFF OF THE ORGANS OF THE VERY PEOPLE YOU DENIED?






I was near tears listening to a woman who lost her child succumbed to a rare illness because her health care provider did not see the condition as life threatening nor the surgery necessary for survival. And ironically, that same night, one of the directors of operations of that same insurance company, daughter received her child's kidneys. I'm shaking my head and tearing up again. That same woman, without hatred, visited that little girl and brought her flowers and a card. *sigh*

Here goes it:

So NanoWriMo had a little 200 word warm up exercise for November. So I decided to stretch my typing fingers and give it a go. Let me know what you think…







“Eight names, eight letters, eight days. Eight names, eight letters, eight days. Eight names, eight letters, eight days,” Camilla whispered to herself frantically.


“It’s not that serious Camilla, breathe. Eight days is more than enough time,” Brittany replied rubbing her “sister’s” hand. “We can do this. The Oracle has given us less time before.” she continued trying her best to sound confident but she knew better, eight girls in eight days was quite a feat.


“Why is this happening Camilla? What did you do to offend the Most High this time? Huh? Answer me!” Gabrielle shouted her finger two inches too close to Camilla’s face.


“I suggest you get your hands out of my face!” Camilla growled between clenched teeth. Her eyes flashed that eerie silver, the same silver that indicated she was close to changing, close to unleashing “Priah”. Gabrielle backed away slowly her palms in front of her as if it would protect her from the beast lurking inside Camilla. Camilla pounced moving too fast for Brittany and the others to intervene. “You will never address me in such a manner again little girl. I am Priah, the Ultimate without equal; I answer only to the Most High.”


©2009 - C. Dominique Gibson

It amazes me what we subject each other to in relationships but perhaps the most foremost to me is this idea of a quiet delusion that we all seem to suffer at least once in our lifetimes. When things first start out, we are so fascinated by the outer layers of a human being that we fabricated or create these idealistic notions of the inner layers of an individual. We delude ourselves into truly believing that our delusions are real, that those characteristics are a summation of who that person really is. As time goes on we start to see their inner lights, their true selves and then we do the unthinkable—we accuse them of changing.


The truth is, they never changed (okay maybe just a little). We just fabricated a fantasized view of them that is just a shallow breath from perfection. Then we try to mold them, bend them into what we want them to be. And when they fail—we break their hearts and spirits for failing the impossible. How dare we?

Solution: Get to know a person before jumping into a pool in the dead of winter naked… if you end up loving who they are then great!

if not?: Find someone who fits or comes pretty damn close to your ideals.

Here is a haiku followed by a poem about delusion(ok not really but read it anyway):

I am a child of the moon. I think God everyday for her existence. She shines bright now amidst autumn's harvest. If you have time on a partly cloudy or clear night, let the moon pull you to her bosom and into her embrace. I promise you won't regret it and like me you will thank whatever higher power you serve or perhaps will just be thankful to have been blessed by her glow.

So, I love haikus and I honestly think that it should be a primary mode of communication. So I’ve decided that perhaps a poem constructed out of Haikus would be just lovely. So here it is for your enjoyment.

“Hey Peri,” Peri nearly jumped at the familiar voice.
“Davis, you scared me,” she said holding her chest.
“Are you ok?” he asked staring down at her. She blushed. There was this warmth emanating from him, the same warmth she suspected anyone felt around him. She nodded still embarrassed for letting her thoughts side track her. “That’s good, I was worried. You didn’t call me back the other day, are you still mad at me?” he asked grinning, eyes twinkling. She shook her head. “Can we walk?” she nodded again, not wanting to speak.
He led her out to the courtyard on the pathway that led to the Big Lawn. The Big Lawn was this big open field of grass. No one knew what its purpose was other than barbeques and other social events held at Hollandale.
“Did you get all your classes?” he asked breaking the silence. She nodded again. He took her hand in his as they walked. There was another long silence. The only thing Peri heard was her heart beating out of her chest. Why did he still have this effect on her?
Davis stopped perhaps sensing her uneasiness. “You know I never meant to hurt you right? I mean she was just a, like a sudden lapse in judgment. You know I love you?”
She nodded again. “Davis, it did hurt, at first, but I don’t know if we should get into this again without being sure you are done sampling,” she looked up at him searching his eyes. He looked away. He was annoyed.
“Peri, I wasn’t sampling. April asked me to the movies on platonic terms and I obliged, one thing led to another, but not too much. You make it sound like I screwed her or something.”
“Close enough,” she answered pulling her hand away.
“Is there someone else Peri?” he asked her. Her eyes widened. How could he think someone else wanted her? Even if they did no one would go near her save his temper.
“Of course not, I just think we need to think about this,” she said so calmly she surprised herself.
He stared at her. She knew what he was about to do but she didn’t know how to stop him. He leaned in and kissed her. She didn’t react right away but kissed him back eventually. Her body relaxed in his arms and something happened.
Peri looked around, she was still on campus but everything was frozen still. Davis’s lips were still on hers and she was still in his arms. She pulled herself away from him and looked around. She rubbed her eyes to make sure she wasn’t hallucinating. Yet, she knew it wasn’t real. Or was it? It was as if time was frozen. She waved her hand in front of Davis and he didn’t move. He was as stiff as a board.

“Persia,” she heard her name but it was faint as a whisper. She turned around looking for the source and saw nothing but a frozen campus.

“Persia,” she heard her name again but this time louder and accompanied by the scent of vanilla beans and honey.

She looked around again and when she turned full circle he was there in front of her; the man from her dream. The first time she saw him, she was only able to see his face because of the golden light around him, this time she could see his full stature, all six - feet five inches of it. He had on a white T- shirt and blue jeans with a pair of white Chuck Taylor’s. Where did he get those? Now she was sure this was a dream because she had never seen all - white Chuck’s before.

“Are you afraid?” he asked, she shook her head.

“Curious, not afraid.”

“Curious about my footwear?” he asked and she nodded still staring at them fascinated by how immaculately white they were. He grinned. “Still think you’re dreaming I see,” he asked nonchalantly. She nodded again. “You are not dreaming. I told you, I am real as long as you think about me,”

“I didn’t think about you though,”

“Ah but you did,” he said coming closer to her but stopping a foot away. The scent of vanilla beans and honey got stronger.

She did think about him, she realized. She had hesitated when Davis asked her if there was someone else and she thought about him, the man in front of her. She felt guilty now for letting him kiss her. But why? Why did she feel like she was cheating?

“I see you remember, odd that you think of me right before kissing someone else,” he grinned again -- wickedly this time.

“Who are you and why do you haunt me?”

“Haunt you? No, I am with you, and no I am not a figment of your imagination, you didn’t make me up to get over the ex,” she winced at his last comment and he laughed. “You are so funny it’s unreal,”

“Wait, I can only see you in my dreams or when I black out and you are calling me unreal?”

Laughing he continued, “See hilarious. I love your accent by the way,” he said as she blushed. “I can’t tell you who I am until you set yourself free,”

“From what? How do I set myself free from something if I have no clue what it is? Furthermore, you have to tell me how you froze everything. Are you an alien, where are you from?”

“No, no, no, I’m not answering anymore questions, you are a very intuitive woman, you can figure some things out on your own, and no I am not Jesus. Jesus is perfect which I am a far cry from. Plus Jesus wouldn’t think about Halle Berry naked and clearly I do about nine times a day,” She blushed again shaking her head at his comment.

“So are you going to zap me back?” she asked as he stepped closer to her, so close she could feel his breath on her forehead. She was quite tall but he still didn’t reach her.

“Patience,” he whispered in her mind leaning down to kiss her. She closed her eyes in anticipation.

Peri heard a moan and pulled away. It was Davis. She had still been kissing him. How long did it last? She felt like she was away for an hour, surely they weren’t kissing that long. How did she black out while kissing him?
“Damn Peri, what are you trying to do to me? You never kissed me like that before,” he said trying to catch his breath.
“I’m sorry; I don’t know what came over me,”

“Wanna’ talk about it? Because I thought you said you didn’t want to have sex yet and that felt like you
wanted to,” she shook her head violently to retort, there was no way she wanted to go all the way yet. And she was sure she didn’t want to with Davis.

“I have to go,” she said turning around on her heels and heading back to the library.

“Call me!” he shouted at her with a big smile on his face.

So, everyone knows that I appreciate the simple things that most people tend to ignore. They do not do so on purpose but instead do so because of circumstance. That circumstance is the state of being busy. I do my best to take time out to appreciate those simple things and share them with you. While walking Bailey (my Youzer and gateway to my muse, Nature), I saw a most beautiful, peaceful scene. There was big Willow Tree swaying the tranquil breeze in the center of a clearing. So I have constructed a Haiku in its honor which could not be more symbolic. The origin of both the Willow Tree and the phenomenon that is the Haiku is Japan. So here is the Tree, followed by the Haiku.

I know many of you have most likely read Lowry's "The Giver". A few days ago while reflecting the theme of the novel, I also reflected upon the idea that a complete utopia = a complete dystopia. Many fundamental moral questions ran across my mind. And these questions stemmed from the basic human need for love and to be in a romantic relationship. Then my mind aimlessly wondered to relationships and how they fall apart. I considered that one person is often defective. Then I wondered if an individual could be turned in for a newer model. The answer is yes. It is being done everyday, and not only in relationships but at the workplace. How many times does an employee become slower than usual, not as precise and then the next week there is some younger more efficient person in their place? On the relationship front, how many men have turned their wives in for younger, more beautiful women? They treat women like their electronics. Or worse, like their cars, they are prized until something newer, faster, sleeker and sexier comes along. And who can blame them? Its partially our fault... the newer versions I mean. We allow these men to mistreat other women so that they can run behind us when in truth, what has been done to the goose can and will be done to the gander... Just a matter of time. Typical example Tom Brady, he left a pregnant Moynahan, for Giselle. How long before Giselle becomes obsolete? Only time will tell. Just a thought...

A Haiku:
Relationship are
Our Modern Dystopia
Old Replaces New

Anyone who knows and understands me, must be both, is aware of my appreciation of the simple things in life. Things we often take forgranted or are too busy or self-absorbed to notice. I have a heart condition that also gave me an irregular heartbeat. Sometimes I can feel and hear my heart stop beating every 4th rotation. I had a scare when I was 20 and I was certain that I was going to die. This experience made me stop and realize that things I gave so much weight, weren't at all important. It was those things that I had never given a thought about, that was suddenly important. Things like my mother's quirky smile when her favourite show airs, my brother's constant babbling about conspiracy theories, my stepmother's beautiful Trinidadian accent, my father's smiling eyes, my older sister's lingo, my older brother's impressions, my stepfather's humour, and the new life that graces this earth in my nephews and godchildren. Those small things have never been more profoundly precious to me and though I sometimes have to be reminded of their weight, I still find those things fascinating.




I guess that is why I enjoy nature. I love the moon close to midnight. I appreciate sun's warmth and direction. I love to follow the roots of trees and sometimes take a moment to touch the soil that provides the nutrients necessary to those roots which have been around for perhaps hundreds of years. Nature is a thing of simple beauty and yet, most of us walk by them everyday without a thought. Well, I thought I would share with you all, my Pet Mushrooms, as a twitter friend of mine so aptly named them. Whenever I walk by this old tree stump, there would be just a few mushrooms, maybe a bunch of three. By midnight, there are three more bunches, in the morning several more. That is so amazing and beautiful to me. Their proliferation and multiplication is accelerated. It almost seems like the blink of an eye. Enough of my babbling, here are the photos of my Pet Mushrooms.